Pregnancy is a fun adventure (hehe..)
With this joyous occasion comes the typical questions/cliches.
“Do you know what you’re having?”
“Is it twins?”
“When are you due?”
“Are you done after this one?”
“You have one of each now you can be done!”
“You can eat for 2 now!”
and the most popular question..
“What’s her name?”
Some of these questions/comments are not threatening by any means, it is totally normal to inquire about someone’s pregnancy. I’d steer clear of the weight comments unless you know the Mama really well and can block a punch but for the majority of these it’s harmless.
With my previous pregnancy we were asked often about what my son’s name was going to be, not nearly as much as this pregnancy though. Perhaps me being a hermit helped with Jackson’s journey and because I was so nervous about things going wrong I really didn’t open up on social media about that pregnancy but this pregnancy I’m way more social and open about this experience. I always said the 3 deflecting responses, ‘We don’t know’ ‘We are waiting until he/she is born’ or ‘Voldemort’…
I noticed more this time around people got more and more agitated about our name secrecy. I promise it’s not because we enjoy watching people twitch as we turn away the question, it’s a defense mechanism.
When you get pregnant, it’s very exciting time. You think of nursery themes, the baby shower and of course the baby’s name. There are a few reasons we (and I’m sure many others) do not share the name until baby is here.
1. I had a friend, who changed baby names so many times. Each time I’d order a new receiving swaddle blanket for them.. by the 4th “this is it” name I quit buying them. I was so mad on how much I spent just for her to change the name publicly over and over again – it ruined it for me. I never want to be the person to change my mind, especially if someone is going to buy a sweet personalized gift.
2. Bonding with baby while pregnant was a little hard for me with Jackson given our unique experience with donor eggs. Having his name picked out did help me feel a connection that only I could have. It was nice to have something that no one else could ruin for me.
3. Opinions… Everybody has them. Last thing I want to hear is a negative story of someone who has a friend/relative/enemy that has that name and did such and such. It’s like they go out of their way to show they just don’t like the name.
4. Again, What if I change my mind? I could have an incredible name picked out and when they pop out they no longer look like an ‘Awww’ they look more like a ‘Ouch’ or a ’28 hours of labor’ or possibly a ‘4th degree tear’… yikes. I could have her name slapped on every wall and she could come out and look nothing like that name.
5. The BIGGEST reason we keep the name private that people might overlook.. is having to mourn the name. Not many face this issue, but I have. Taking back a name that you treasured so much is devastating. Had I shared the 5 names that I’ll never get/want to use it would hurt a lot more being public about it in my opinion. If something were to go wrong that name stands for something much greater than filling ones curious mind. Even though I do have a name in mind I do not officially give the baby that name until he or she is safely in my arms, because it’s absolutely heartbreaking parting with a meaningful name for a baby that I’ll never get to bring home. Should something happen and we want to share that name that is our right, sometimes when things go terribly wrong it helps to have some connection until we are ready to move on.
So I promise, it’s not to feel superior or get attention. It’s to protect myself. Hopefully it will give you all some perspective if someone doesn’t want to share their baby’s name. It could be as simple as wanting to keep it private but there also could be many levels of emotion behind that decision.